Q: Why would a spider be a good baseball player? 
A:

Explanation:  Spiders catch flies in their webs; flies (fly- singular) are small insects with wings.  When spiders build spiderwebs the flies get stuck in them and the spiders eat them.  When a baseball player hits a baseball and it goes up in the air to the outfield we say, “the baseball player has hit a fly ball,”  that is, the player hit the ball and it flew through the air.  The outfielders, the players standing far away from the batter, are waiting to catch the fly balls that have been hit.  An outfielder who is good at this is good at catching flies… just like a spider.

Thanks “Tree” for the joke!

Q: Where do football players go before the big game? 
A:

Explanation: If someone says, “I gotta go!” that person means, “I have to go to the bathroom.”  Imagine someone saying that while squeezing their legs together.  Football championship games are called bowl games, think The Super Bowl, The Rose Bowl, … The part of a toilet where one leaves waste is the toilet bowl, the part you see filled with water.  This joke is funny because it combines the ideas of going to the bathroom with a bowl game.  11 year olds might love this joke!

Q: What do elves learn in school? 
A:

Explanation:  One elf (singular), two elves (plural).  Elves are mythological beings found in stories like The Hobbit or found at the north pole working for Santa Claus.  The alphabet is learned by school children in all English speaking schools (and other languages too!). ”Elf” sounds like “alf” or “alph,” the first part of the word alphabet.  This joke is funny because it plays on the sounds in elf and alph.

Thanks “Tree” for sending the joke.

Q: What do you call a wet fruit? 
A:

Explanation:  “Wet” is something that is liquid or has liquid on or in it.  For example, a towel gets wet when you use it to soak up water; the street gets wet when it rains.  Water is wet because it is a liquid.  A watermelon isn’t really wet on the outside (unless it has been rained on or washed) but it does have lots of liquid on the inside. So a wet fruit, is a watermelon.  Mmmm!

Soon it will be summer here in the north and the watermelon will start growing again.  I can’t wait!

Thanks “Tree” for sending the joke.

Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?

A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

Explanation: Well, this is funny because the listener is expecting a real explanation that has to do with adding candles to a cake, perhaps even explaining why we have cake for birthdays.  But that is not the answer that the listener hears.  The answer is just an obviously funny one!  Candles on the bottom of a cake!

Happy Birthday, Ana Maria!

Q: Why did John jump up and down before drinking his juice? 
A:

Explanation:  Johnny was sooooooo confused!  When the box says, “Shake well before drinking” it is talking about the box, not the boy who is drinking the juice!  Shake the box, Johnny!

Shake, shake hands, milkshake, shake your head, shake and bake, shake, rattle and roll, …

Q: What kind of balls don’t bounce? 
A:

Explanation:  Bounce is the way a ball goes up and down when thrown to the floor.  Tennis balls bounce.  Basketballs bounce.  Eyeballs… don’t bounce.  It would hurt too much if they did!

My break is over… more jokes to come.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean? 
A:

Explanation: A mermaid is a mythological creature who is part woman, part fish.  A “maid” is a person who cleans a house or a hotel.  This joke plays on the meaning of the word “maid.”  Does a mer-maid do windows?

Q: How did the farmer mend his pants? 
A:

Explanation: To mend a pair of pants, such as jeans, is to fix them.  If there is a hole in the knee you will need to patch the hole with a patch.  Yes, “patch” can be used as a verb and a noun.  ”Patch” also means a small area of land that is planted with a the same type of vegetable such as cabbage: a cabbage patch.  This joke plays on the multiple meanings of the word “patch.”

Q: Why was the king only a foot tall? 

Explanation: A ruler is one who rules, that is, one who is in charge like a king or a president.  A ruler is also a stick used for measuring items.  In this case a ruler is 12 inches long, a foot long.  This joke plays on the double meaning of the work ruler.  This joke really measures up!