Tardy Candy

Q: What kind of candy is never on time?
A: Chocolate!

Explanation: Candy!  That sweet treat, usually made with lots of sugar.  Chocolate is one type of candy.  The last part of the word “chocolate” is “late.”  If you are late, you are not on time.  This joke is funny because it plays with just a part of the word chocolate, the late part.

About being late: Someone once told me, “If you are not 15 minutes early, you are late.”  That is good advice in the United States.  In Chile, I once went to a party two hours late and I was the first one there!

By the way, I love chocolate!  Especially chocolate from La Iberica in Arequipa, Peru.

A quick note about pronunciation- Here in Minnesota, the word “chocolate” sounds more like “choco-lit.”  And if that is the case, the joke isn’t too funny… until you see it.

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Baseball Fans?

Q: Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game?
A: All the fans left!

Explanation: At a baseball game, the fans are the people who are watching the game.  The fans leave the stadium when the game is over. Baseball games are played at a stadium.  A fan is also a small (or large) machine that has a part that spins to move air.  If there are no fans (that move air) at a stadium the stadium could get hot.

This joke plays on the double meaning of the word fan- and that is why it is funny!

Go Cubs!

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Point Well Taken

Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?
A: You’ve got a good point!

Explanation: Pencils are used for writing.  When the lead (now it is made of graphite) is sharp it is pointy, it has a point.

When someone says, “You have a good point,” it means that you have a good idea; the thoughts that you added to the conversation gave it something new.

This joke is funny because it plays with “you have a good point.”  The pencil has a literal point (it is sharp); perhaps it also has a figurative point (a good idea).

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Scary Food

Q: What is the best food to eat when you are scared?
A: I scream!

Explanation: People scream when they are scared, I mean, really scared. When was the last time you were really scared?  Hopefully it was for something fun like a roller coaster and not for something terrible like a car accident or an earthquake.

“I scream” sounds like “ice cream” and that is what makes this joke funny.  Maybe a dish of vanilla ice cream would go well with a Hitchcock film tonight.

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Crazy Train

Q: What is the craziest way to travel?
A: Loco-motive!

Explanation: A sort-of bilingual joke!  ¡Que bueno!  The Spanish word “loco” means “crazy” in English.  A locomotive is a train.  Therefore, a loco-motive is a crazy-travel machine.  But just in this joke- I actually like to travel by train.

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Tied up in string

Q: Why didn’t the string ever win a race?
A: It always tied!

Explanation: A string is many long pieces of thread together.  Shoelaces are also a type of string.  Of course you can tie a string in a knot.  So, a string can be tied.

“To be tied” or “to tie” can also mean that no one is winning a game, that the score is the same.  It is like in a World Cup Soccer game when the game is tied 1- 1 (sure would be fun to go to Brazil this year, but that has nothing to do with this joke!).

This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word “tied.”

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PsychoMath

Q: What did the math book say to the psychologist?
A: “Would you like to hear my problems?”

Explanation: A math book has problems, many math problems.  The purpose of a math book is to teach you how to think like a mathematician and to solve math problems.

A psychologist can help you with problems with feelings or behaviors; a psychologist cannot help you with math problems.

This joke is funny because it plays with two different ideas of problems: math problems and psychological problems.  And of course, math books can’t talk!

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