That’s Blarney!

Q: What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A: A shamrock!

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Explanation: March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day, in honor of the patron saint of Ireland.

A shamrock is a bit of clover, typically with three leaves as you see in the picture.  It is sometimes used as symbol of Ireland.  People say that St. Patrick, a Catholic missionary priest, used it to teach about the Christian Holy Trinity.

If something is a sham, it is fake, not what it is supposed to be.  In the case of this joke, a sham-rock would be a rock (rock and stone are synonyms) that is not really a rock.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word sham and the word shamrock.

The music and dancing below is not a sham, it is Riverdance:

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Slip Sliding Away

Q: Why did the banana put on sunscreen?
A: He didn’t want to peel!

Explanation: The outside of a banana, the yellow part that you do not eat, is called the peel.  (The outside of an lemon is called a rind and the outside of an apple is called the skin.)  Peel is also the verb when you take off the outside of the banana, orange or apple: I peel the orange before I eat it.

When you get a sunburn, sometimes your skin will peel, that is, the top layer of skill will come off because your sun-damaged skin is healing itself.  If you do not want to get a sunburn and if you do not want your skin to peel, it is a very good idea to use sunscreen lotion to protect your skin.

This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word peel: the outside of a banana, and what happens to your skin after a sunburn.  (Banana peels can also be slippery so I thought of the title from Simon and Garfunkel.)

Did you know? There are…

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Hitchhiker’s Guide to Leap Day

Q: What do you tell a hitchhiker on leap day?
A: Hop in!

Explanation: Happy leap day, leap year day, February 29!  It’s not every year I can explain a joke on February 29!!  (Leap year happens once every four years.)

To begin with, a hitchhiker is a person who waits by the side of a road or highway looking for someone to drive him/her down the road.  Often hitchhikers will use their right thumb to show that they want a ride.  Hitchhiking is sometimes called “thumbing a ride” and it is very dangerous to do.  It is also dangerous to pick up hitchhikers if you are driving.  Please don’t hitchhike or pick up hitchhikers.

“Hop in” is a common idiom that means you can get in the car.  Leap and hop are synonyms.

This joke is funny because telling someone to hop on leap day is funny

Here is a song about hitchhiking by Vanity Fare (lyrics):

The title for this post alludes to the book series Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

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Wild and Free

Q: What did the tiger say to her cubs before they went out to play?
A: Be careful–it’s a jungle out there!

Explanation: A jungle is a forest in tropical areas.  In a jungle there are many trees and plants that no one takes care of because they grow on their own.  There are many wild animals and birds in the jungle; there are lots of insects, too.  A jungle can be a dangerous place for someone who is not familiar with it.

In English, “it’s a jungle out there” is an idiom that means that a place or a situation is dangerous or threatening.

This joke is funny because the tiger in the joke is actually in a jungle.  No need to use that idiom in the jungle.

Check out this tiger cub in the jungle:

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A Pirate Looks at Forty (+ 40)

Q: What did the ol’ pirate say on his birthday?
A: Aye, matey!

Explanation: Happy birthday, matey, and have some cake!  “Matey” means pal or friend.

Ol’ means old; the apostrophe (‘) replaces the ‘d’ in old just like the apostrophe replaces the ‘o’ in didn’t (did not).

This joke is funny because of the sounds.  If you say “Aye, matey” slowly, it sounds like “I’m eighty (80).”  Pirates say things like, “Aye, matey.”  To hear some more things that pirates say you can watch this video, talk-like-a-pirate video, matey.

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Bear Crossing

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a forest?
A: Fur trees!

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Fir tree with a pinecone (Needpix.com)

 

Explanation: Can you imagine a tree with fur growing on it?  No, fur grows on animals, specifically, on mammals. Trees can’t grow fur, but bears can. All bears have fur covering their bodies.

Trees, on the other hand, grow leaves.  Even pine trees have leaves because their needles are a type of leaf.  Fir trees are a type of pine tree with needles.

This joke is funny because it plays with the words fur and fir which sound the same.  Thinking about a fur tree, a tree with fur, is funny.

Here are some bears in trees (and there are fir trees nearby, I think):

 

 

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Fire Away!

Q: What does an angel use to light a campfire?
A: A match made in heaven!

 

Screen Shot 2020-02-03 at 5.51.02 PMExplanation: When people go camping, sometimes they will build a campfire for cooking, roasting marshmallows, or telling stories.

match-159212_640To build a fire you need dry wood (small pieces to start the fire) and a match to light the fire.  Matches are small sticks or pieces of cardboard that you strike on the match box to create a flame, fire.

“A match made in heaven” is an idiom meaning a perfect match, usually referring to two people who make a good couple.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word match (the stick used to create fire) and the idiom “a match made in heaven.”  Because angels come from heaven, they would use matches that come from heaven to start their fire.

If you want to see how matches are made, watch here:

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The Cows Might Be Listening

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell secrets on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

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Explanation: Ah, yes- more food jokes!

When you look at a potato, you will see it has small bumps sticking out.  It is from these points that new potato plants will grow.  These points are called eyes, potato eyes.  No, potatoes cannot see with their eyes.

An ear of corn was explained here.  When you take corn from the field, harvest the corn, you are taking the ears off of the plant.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word eyes (eyes you see with/eyes of a potato) and ears (ears you hear with/ears of corn).  If potatoes can see you and the corn can hear you, you probably shouldn’t tell secrets!

Learn to grow potatoes here:

 

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My Treat

Q: What did one plate say to the other?
A: Dinner is on me!

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Explanation: When a meal such as breakfast, lunch, or dinner is served, it is typically put on a plate.  If you go to a restaurant, the server may bring your food on a tray; the plates are then taken from the tray and set on your table.  Your food is on the plate.  So, if a plate full of food is talking, dinner (or lunch or breakfast) is really on the plate.

“Dinner is on me” is also an idiom that means, “I will pay for your food.”  When you go to a restaurant and someone says to you, “Dinner is on me,” it means that the speaker will buy your meal.  (Be sure to say, “Thank you” if someone buys your dinner!)

This joke is funny because it plays with the idiom, “dinner is on me.”  Dinner is actually on the plate… and, in this joke, the plate will pay for dinner.  (By the way, the title “My treat” is another idiom that means that the speaker will pay for the meal.)

Learn how to make a plate here:

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Run, Run as Fast as You Can

Q: What does the gingerbread boy put on his bed?
A: Cookie sheets!3-gingerbread-man-cookies

Explanation: A gingerbread boy is a type of cookie that is made out of gingerbread and cut in the shape of a person.  Many people in the United States bake gingerbread cookies during December and decorate them with frosting.

Sheets are used to cover a mattress before you lie down on it.

Cookie sheets are flat pieces of metal that are used to bake cookies.  When you put the cookie dough on the cookie sheet you can put it into the oven.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word ‘sheet;’ there are sheets that you put on a bed and cookie sheets that are used for baking.

If you would like to make your own gingerbread cookies you can watch this video.  (If you go to the video on YouTube you will see the recipe.)

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