Tools for Fools?

Posted on February 4, 2016 by stfleming

Q: What tool can you use to cut water?
A: A sea-saw!

Explanation: To understand this joke you must first know what a seesaw is.  A seesaw is a toy/ game/ ride that you might see on a playground where children play (it is also known as a teeter-totter).  Imagine a long piece of wood that is balanced in the middle; one person sits on each end of the board and as one goes up, the other goes down.

A saw is a tool used to cut things. Of course, you cannot cut water… even with a saw.  This joke is funny because seesaw sounds like sea-saw and both end in “saw,” a tool (saw is the past tense verb of to see).  (Just to be clear: the fools part of the title refers to someone trying to cut water, not the amazing performance below!!)

Here are some gymnasts performing on a see saw- Do not try this at home!

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February Cannot

Posted on February 2, 2016 by stfleming

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Explanation: Happy Groundhog’s Day! Or Groundhog Day?  Hmmm…

The above joke plays with the months and the double meaning of some of the words.

“To march” means to walk with a regular pace or to walk in an organized way; think of soldiers marching or people marching in a parade or a protest.  Can February March?  No, it is a month and it cannot walk. March is also a month (and there are two of the meanings of March).

May, in addition to being a month, is an auxiliary verb similar to ‘can’ or ‘might.’  In this joke February cannot march but April might be able to march.  It only makes sense if you understand the multiple meanings of March and May.

But it is February and here is a quick-talking explanation of Groundhog Day:

 

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Winter Ride

Posted on December 25, 2015 by stfleming

Q: How does a snowman get around?
A: He rides an icicle!

Explanation: Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate!

“To get around” means “to move” or “to travel.”

An icicle is a piece of ice that forms when dripping water freezes.  The word icicle sounds like tricycle.  This joke is funny because those two words sound alike.

In honor of Christmas I offer you one of my favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life.  In this movie George Bailey does not “get around” but the end of the movie is great!

https://vimeo.com/113419668

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Rappin’ Wrapper?

Posted on December 19, 2015 by stfleming

Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!

Explanation: In this joke, elves are Santa Claus’ helpers.  They are the ones who make the toys and wrap them so that Santa can deliver the toys on Christmas Eve.  “To wrap a present” means to cover it with decorative paper to make the gift look nice.  Wrapping a present also makes people wonder what is under the wrapping paper.

A “Rapper” is a person who sings, usually songs that have amazing rhymes at high speed.  (For more information on the history of rap music check out this link.)

This joke is funny because “wrap” sounds like “rap.”

Here is a Christmas rap song about the Grinch Who Stole Christmas:

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Workout Yeti

Posted on December 17, 2015 by stfleming

Q: What do you call a snowman with six-pack abs?
A: The Abdominal Snowman!

Explanation: Let’s start with six-pack abs: six-pack abs are stomach muscles that are well formed and strong.  To get six-pack abs you need to do a lot of exercise.  (By the way, ‘abs’ is an abbreviation of abdominal muscles, stomach muscles.)

Abominable means something that is very bad, unpleasant, something that causes revulsion.  Abominable (no d) sounds a lot like abdominal (has the letter d) and remember, abdominal refers to the stomach.

The abominable snowman is also known as  a yeti; most people believe that the abominable snowman is not real… some would disagree.

This joke is funny because abdominal sounds like abominable.  And no snowman I have ever seen has six-pack abs!!

Here is a video clip from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer where the Abominable Snowman appears:

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You Have the Right to …

Posted on December 4, 2015 by stfleming

Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!

Explanation: To hold up: this phrase has more than one meaning.  You could take a magic wand in your hands and hold it up in the air like Harry Potter; a piece of tape can hold a piece of paper to the wall; a belt can hold up a pair of pants.  In these examples one thing holds another thing in place.

To hold up a bank means to rob it, to steal money from the bank.

This joke is funny because of the multiple meanings of “to hold up.”

Here is Woody Allen trying to hold up a bank:

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Pop Feelings

Posted on November 30, 2015 by stfleming

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing!

Explanation: A can of pop, a can of Coke, a can of soda… all are pretty much the same thing.  Before you recycle the can, though, you should crush it– crush the can, that means to use pressure to change the can from big to little as in the picture.  There are machines that can crush a can (called a can crusher) and the person who crushes the can is also called a can crusher).  If you press a can of soda (pop) I could say that you are “soda pressing.”  It would be an unusual thing to say but I could say it.

The words “soda pressing” sound like “so depressing” and that is what makes this joke funny.  If a job is too depressing then someone might quit that job.

Depression is not funny.  If you are someone you know is depressed please find help.

See this video to see how aluminum is recycled:

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November Flowers?

Posted on November 26, 2015 by stfleming

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!

Explanation: Happy Thanksgiving!!  This is one of my favorite jokes and one that I did not understand when I was a kid.

In the northern hemisphere spring comes around the month of April.  During April it rains in many areas.  The rain that falls in April gives water to the flowers that bloom in May; in much of the northern hemisphere there is snow during the winter and nothing blooms.

This joke sets up a pattern: April showers bring May flowers; May flowers bring… ?  The answer is Pilgrims who arrived in what is now Massachusetts in a boat; the name of the boat was the Mayflower.  The joke is funny because you expect an answer that begins with June, the next month according to the pattern.

Here is Charlie Brown celebrating Thanksgiving:

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Really the last pun, really!

Posted on November 24, 2015 by stfleming

Broken pencils are pointless.
If the tip of a pencil is broken, the pencil has no point (point-less).  If the tip of a pencil is broken the pencil has no purpose, that it is pointless.  This pun plays with the double meaning of pointless.

Thank you to the reader who contributed this one!  Really, the last pun for now.

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Last of the puns… for now

Posted on November 24, 2015 by stfleming

Pun PictureNo matter how much you  push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
“To push the envelope” is an expression that means to exceed or try to exceed the normal limits. “Stationery” is writing materials such as paper and envelopes.  “Stationary” (-ary) means to not move.  This pun plays with the word stationery/ stationery and the idea of pushing something (moving something) and staying still (stationary).

Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.
If you knock on the door you do not use the doorbell.  “No-bell prize” sounds like Nobel, Nobel Prize.  This pun plays with the words no-bell/ Noble.

Energizer Bunny Arrested: Charged with Battery

  • When people are arrested they are charged with a crime.
  • One of the crimes you can be charged with is battery (verb): contact that hurts another person.
  • A battery (noun) is a small energy source that might be put in a flashlight or radio.
  • The Energizer Bunny is a toy that is used by Energizer Batteries to advertise their products.  The Energizer Bunny toy uses batteries, that is, it gets its power from batteries: it is charged with batteries.

This pun plays with the words battery and charged and their double meanings.

I put my grandma on speed dial.  I call that Instagram.
Speed dial is one button on a phone that dials instantly someone’s telephone number.  If a speed dial button is programmed to call grandma then it dials grandma instantly.  Combine instantly and grandma and you get insta-gram  which sounds like Instagram, a photo sharing website… you also get a punderful pun!

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