Toy Fixing Up North

Posted on January 5, 2014 by stfleming

Q: How does an Eskimo child fix his toys?Pull toy
A: With igloo!

Explanation: First of all, the term Eskimo is no longer used and is considered negative, pejorative, even racist.  The two main groups who live in the northern regions by the arctic circle are the Yupik and Inuit.  When naming groups of people let’s ask people what is the best name for them; people have the right to identify themselves.

Let me then, replace it with the word Inuit- How does an Inuit child fix his toys?  This joke plays on the word igloo, a traditional ice home of some northern peoples.  The word igloo has the word part “gloo” which sounds like “glue.”  Glue would be used to fix a broken toy.

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Picnicking

Posted on January 3, 2014 by stfleming

Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics?Family Picnic with basket
A: A basket case!

Explanation: Picnics are relaxed, outdoor meals, often eaten on a blanket or a picnic table.  When you go on a picnic you take a picnic basket– a basket that has the food and plates and everything you need for the picnic.

“A basket case” is a term used for someone who has lost their mental health and is acting out of the normal (Basket Case is also a song by Green Day which I have never heard but will listen to now).  This joke plays on the term “basket case” because you bring a basket to a picnic and no one is really afraid of picnics… at least I don’t think they are.

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Untruthful Balloons

Posted on January 2, 2014 by stfleming

Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously?balloons
A: They’re always full of hot air!

Explanation: “To take something seriously” is to believe what someone is saying.  “To be full of hot air” is to talk a lot without saying anything of importance or to say things that are not true.  Balloons that rise into the air are literally full of hot air (or helium).  This joke plays on the phrase “full of hot air.”

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On Sale!

Posted on January 1, 2014 by stfleming

Q: Why did Michael’s grades drop after the holidays?Sale Price
A: Because everything was marked down!

Explanation: The holidays refers to the time of the year between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.  It is a time when lots of people by many gifts for various occasions (remember, these jokes mostly come from the United States and therefore reflect its humor and some of its customs).  After the holidays stores have sales to get rid of merchandise that did not sell before the holidays; when an item is “on sale” the prices are “marked down.”

When a student looses points on an assignment his or her grade is marked down. This joke plays on the phrase “marked down.”  If everything is marked down then it looks like Michael’s grades came down too.  Perhaps he needs to study a bit more!

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Sentenced to …

Posted on December 31, 2013 by stfleming

Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?Calendar
A: He got 12 months!

Explanation: Shoplifters are people who steal from a store, usually something small (but shoplifters also steal larger items).  Shoplifting is against the law so, if you are caught by the police, you might have to go to jail.  If you are caught by the police you will have a trial and get sentenced to spend time in jail.  In this case, “He got [sentenced to] 12 months” means that he will spend 12 months in jail.  This joke is funny because a calendar also has 12 months, and that is what he got when he stole the calendar.

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Christmas Knitting

Posted on December 30, 2013 by stfleming

Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?Knitting
A: They both drop their needles!

Explanation: Christmas trees that are brought into the house often lose their needles; they fall off the branches as the tree dries (even if it gets enough water).  When someone knits a scarf or a sweater they use knitting needles, the long sticks that knitters use as they knit one and purl two.  This joke is funny because it plays on the double meaning of the word “needles.”

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Wenceslas Pizza

Posted on December 29, 2013 by stfleming

Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?pizza
A: Deep and crisp and even!

Explanation: “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen.  When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.”

This is a well known Christmas Carol but that last part sounds kind of like a pizza order- deep dish, crispy crust, evenly baked.  Me?  I’d add some pepperoni and it’d be perfect!

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They’re Grrreat!

Posted on December 28, 2013 by stfleming

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?breakfast
A: Frosted Flakes!

Explanation: Frost is frozen water vapor on a surface; it is kind of in between ice and snow.  Snowmen are made of snow, which is kind of like frost.  Frosted Flakes are a common breakfast cereal.  Can you imagine a snowman eating cereal?  I like snowmen jokes at this time of year.

Eat Well!

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Singing of the Apes

Posted on December 27, 2013 by stfleming

Q: What does Tarzan sing on Christmas?ape
A: Jungle Bells!

Explanation: “Jungle Bells” is an invented song name that reminds the listener of the song “Jingle Bells.”

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The Empty Sack

Posted on December 26, 2013 by stfleming

Q: How many presents can Santa fit in his empty sack?Santa
A: Only one.  After that it is not empty anymore!

Explanation: The old empty sack trick!  This joke plays on the understanding of the words “empty” and “how many.”  The listener expects the answer to be a number, not an explanation.  But it is true- if there is one gift in the sack it is no longer empty.

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