Hickory Dickory Clock

Posted on September 19, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What time is it when your clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock!

Explanation: When a clock “strikes the hour” it means that it is exactly on the hour, 8:00 or 11:00 for example (not 8:17 or 11:36) and the bells will chime.  Here is Big Ben striking the hour.

On a clock or a watch, the only numbers you see are the numbers 1-12; there is no 13.  So if the clock strikes 13, there is a big problem!  Yes, at 13 o’clock you will need a new clock.

(Some readers might argue that the military and some countries use the hours from 13 to 24 to talk about the hours after noon.  Point taken.  You will, however, not see the number 13 on the face of a clock, only on some digital clocks.)

Here is a brief history of how we keep time:

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Them’s Fighting Words!

Posted on September 12, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why did the dentist and the manicurist decide not to be friends?
A: Because they were always fighting tooth and nail!

Explanation: A dentist is a doctor that improves the health of your teeth.  A manicurist is a specialist who improves the health and appearance of your fingernails.

To “fight tooth and nail” is an idiom that means to fight hard with all of your resources to achieve a goal.  You might fight tooth and nail against an injustice.  A union might fight tooth and nail for its members.  Firefighters fight tooth and nail to put out a fire.

This joke is funny because it plays with the idiom, and the work that these two professions do: dentists work with teeth and manicurists work with nails.

Here is Foreigner singing about fighting tooth and nail.  Some of the lyrics are hard to understand so here they are.

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Picking Up the Pieces

Posted on September 5, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Is collecting shells on the beach easy to learn?
A: Yes, you’ll pick it up right away!

Explanation: Picking up shells on a beach is easy because, if the beach has shells, you just bend over and lift them up with your hands.

To pick something up is also an idiom meaning to learn something.  If I say that my nephew picked up guitar really quickly it means that he learned to play guitar easily.  A few more examples: My friend who speaks Spanish picked up Italian after a few weeks in Rome; Just watch what I am doing and you will ick it up right away.

This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of “pick up:” to lift something up and to learn something.

Have you always wanted to learn to play guitar?  There are lots of videos online.  This series form Fender is pretty good, in my opinion.

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A Weight Off My Shoulder

Posted on August 29, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left?
A: It gave him the cold shoulder!

Explanation: Yes, the last parrot joke for a while.

Have you seen those pictures of a pirate with a parrot sitting on his shoulder?  Take a look at this one, if you haven’t.  (That link will also explain about the history of parrots and pirates.) I have never had a parrot sit on my shoulder, but I would expect the parrot to feel warm on my shoulder.  Then, when the parrot flies away, my shoulder would feel cold.

“To give someone the cold shoulder” means to purposely ignore that person

This joke is funny because it plays with the phrase cold shoulder, in both the literal sense of feeling colder, and in the meaning of the idiom, to ignore someone.  Perhaps the parrot was ignoring the pirate, giving him the cold shoulder?

Here is Adele with her song Cold Shoulder–

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A Parrot and a Shtick

Posted on August 21, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!

Explanation: Yes! A second parrot joke!

As you can hear when you read the joke aloud, parrot rhymes with carrot.

This joke is funny because the question has a second meaning.  When you read the question, it seems to ask for the name of another bird, or maybe an animal, that makes the same sounds as a parrot.  Maybe there is another bird that talks like a parrot?

But, no.  Because it is a joke, the answer is a word (or words) that sound like (rhyme with) “a parrot.”

Now for something really silly- Here is Captain Vegetable with Elmo—

Then again, thinking of parrots led me to Jimmy Buffet

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Bee Amazing!

Posted on August 14, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee!

Explanation: And we’re back!

Perhaps you have seen or heard parrots that talk.  Well, they actually mimic (copy) the sounds that they hear.  It is quite amazing.  In English the typical phrase that a talking parrot says is, “Polly want a cracker.”

A spelling bee is a competition to see who is the best speller, that is, the one who spells the most difficult words.  A spelling bee has nothing to do with a bee, the insect that makes honey.

This joke is funny because it plays with the idea of smart animals and then plays again with two meanings of the word bee: an insect and a spelling competition. By the way, there are other types of bees such as a quilting bee which is a gathering of people who make quilts.

Thanks for the joke, Pete!

If you want to see a movie about a spelling bee, I highly recommend this one:

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Ghost Ships

Posted on June 26, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Where do ghosts like to go sailing?
A: Lake Eerie!

Explanation: If you ever get the chance to go sailing, I would highly recommend it.  It is a beautiful experience to let the wind move your boat without using a motor.

Ghosts, of course, like places that are scary or frightening.  The word eerie means strange or frightening.  An eerie experience might be sitting alone in a dark house, hearing strange sounds, and seeing faint lights that look like ghosts.

Lake Erie is the 4th largest of the Great Lakes in North America.  I have never seen it, but the pictures sure look nice.

This joke is funny because it plays with the words eerie and (Lake) Erie which sound exactly the same.

Here is the song Sailing by Christopher Cross to take you on your journey:

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Made in the Shade

Posted on June 20, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why didn’t the girl trust the trees near her home?
A: They seemed a little shady!

Explanation: Shade is the darker, cooler area under a tree when the sun is shining on the tree.  If you want to get out of the sun, you might stand under a tree in the shade. You might stand in the shady area.

Shady also means something that doesn’t seem quite right, not honest, not trustworthy maybe illegal. If someone tries to sell you an expensive watch for very little money you might say, “No, that seems a little shady.”

This joke is funny because it plays with the word shady, like under a tree in the sun or a dishonest situation or person.

By the way, Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there, and to all people who are like a father to someone.

Here is a shady character from one of my favorite books, Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes ( it’s a bit scary):

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One-Trick Pony

Posted on June 12, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why couldn’t the pony talk?
A: He was a little horse!

Explanation: For most people, a pony is a small horse.  There is actually a difference between a horse and a pony. In common conversation, though, most people do not make the distinction.  A baby horse is called a foal, colt, or filly depending on age and gender.

If you are hoarse, your voice sounds scratchy.  This can happen when you get a sore throat from being sick or from shouting a lot.  If you go to a soccer game and cheer loudly for your team, you might be hoarse later on.

This joke is funny because it plays with the words horse and hoarse which sound exactly the same but have very different meanings.

To find out more about horses and ponies, take a look here:

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Shaggy Dog Story

Posted on June 6, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet!

Explanation: Dogs have four feet called paws: two front feet and two back feet.  You could also say that they have two right feet and two left feet.  Sounds simple.

When you say that someone has “two left feet” it means that they do not dance well, that they are awkward when they dance.

This joke is funny because it plays with the meanings of two left feet: the literal meaning, like dogs have two feet on the left side of their bodies, and the figurative meaning of being a bad dancer.

If you have always wanted to learn salsa, and not have two left feet as a salsa dancer, you could start here:

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