Q: How do you keep someone in suspense?
A: I’ll tell you tomorrow!
Explanation: Suspense is that feeling of wanting to know what is going to happen. In his films, Alfred Hitchcock was a master of suspense, keeping you on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what was going to happen next. That’s what makes this joke funny- the questioner keeps the listener in suspense by saying, “I’ll tell you tomorrow!”
Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand?
A: Toothpaste!
Explanation: The Tooth Fairy leaves small amounts of money under the pillow where small children have left a tooth that recently fell out. She always has a magic wand. I suppose that the wand could break and she would need some glue (also known as paste) to fix it. Because she is the Tooth Fairy she might use tooth-paste. That’s funny!
Q: Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
A: All the sailors were marooned!
Explanation: Marooned: to be stranded on an island after a ship wreck. Maroon: a dark red, almost purple, color. So, when red and blue are mixed, you get purple, well, maroon. This joke plays with the knowledge that red and blue make maroon (almost, sort of maroonish purple) and the knowledge that a boat crash may leave sailors marooned.
Q: What did the sock say to the foot?
A: “Shoe!”
Explanation: Or did the sock say, “Shoo!” “Shoo” means go away, scram, get out of here as in the song “Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me.” Shoe, obviously, is what you put on your foot (after you put on your sock). Was the sock pointing out that the shoe was coming closer?
This joke is silly and doesn’t make much sense but it does make me giggle.
Q: Why was the nose feeling sad?
A: It was tired of getting picked on!
Explanation: When you “pick your nose” you stick your finger in your nose and, well, remove whatever is in there. “To be picked on” means that someone is bothering you, bullying you: The older kid picked on the younger kid by pushing him every time they saw each other.
This joke plays with the words “pick” and “nose” and the double understanding there. It is funny because the nose is being picked on, not being picked.
It’s more polite to use a Kleenex.
Q: Why does Santa have a garden?
A: So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
Explanation: When Santa laughs he says, “Ho, ho ho!” When you work in a garden sometimes you use a hoe (a tool with a long handle and a flat piece of metal on the end that is perpendicular to the long handle). This joke is funny because it changes “ho, ho, ho” for “hoe, hoe, hoe.”
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll!
Explanation: When you go to vote for a candidate, the place that you go is called the poll. Last year my polling place changed from a school to a nursing home; every year, though, I go to the poll to vote.
Polar bears live near the north pole, way up north in the Arctic circle (I could talk about the decrease in the population of polar bears but I won’t). This joke is funny because of the play on words with poll and pole.
I wonder if Santa Claus votes at the north poll too?
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
Explanation: There is a double meaning in this joke: “To come down with something” is to get sick; elevators come down with something- people. When the first elevator says it is coming down with something the listener hears the double meaning of getting sick and going to a lower floor — and that’s funny because elevators don’t get sick.
Q: How do you reach a book in an emergency?
A: Call its pager!
Explanation: A pager or a beeper is a small electronic device (not used much anymore because so many people have cell phones) that beeps or vibrates and shows the telephone number of the caller or a message from the caller. They are often used in hospitals or other locations where it is important to contact someone and do so with minimal interference.
This joke is funny because books have pages but do not have pagers. You can also reach a book with your arm. Read a good book today!
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinko!
Explanation: Ah, yes! A bad bilingual joke. Bullfighters are often found in Spanish speaking countries. The number four in Spanish is “cuatro.” If you are in quicksand you are probably sinking down into the sand.
Many English speakers who do not speak Spanish play with Spanish by adding an “o” onto any English word- so “sink” would become “sinko.” Of course “sinko” sounds just like “cinco” which means five in Spanish. This joke is funny to an English speaker who knows a bit of Spanish because the answer sounds like 4, 5 in Spanish as it refers to the 4 bullfighters sinking into quicksand.
Explain the Joke 