Swing, Batter!

Posted on March 6, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball?
A: Because she ran away from the ball and had a pumpkin for a coach!

Explanation: In the United States, baseball spring training has started in Florida and Arizona so how about a baseball joke?

There is a lot to explain in this joke.  To be lousy at something means to be bad at it.  In this joke, Cinderella is bad at playing baseball.  Why? Because she runs away from the ball. 

Ball, here, has two meanings: Ball refers to the baseball in the game of baseball; ball is also the name of a formal dance party.  Remember when the clock struck 12:00 midnight and Cinderella had to leave the ball?

Then, there is the coach.  In baseball, the coach is the person who leads the team by telling the players what to do and helps them to do it better.  Coach is also the word used for the horse-drawn carriage that takes Cinderella to and from the ball.  That coach started out as a pumpkin and then became a pumpkin again after midnight.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word ball and the word coach.  Did you ever wonder how a baseball is made?  Watch this video to find out.

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A Tiger (fish) in your Tank

Posted on February 27, 2021 by stfleming

Q: While in their tank, what did one fish say to the other fish?
A: Do you know how to drive this thing?!

Explanation: If you have a fish at home, it is in a tank: a fish tank (also called an aquarium).  Normally when you hear about a tank and fish, you think of a fish tank.  A fish tank is a glass box that holds water and fish.

The other type of tank is a military tank.  If you are in a military tank, someone has to drive it, like the fish in the joke.

This joke is funny because the word tank has two meanings: a fish tank and a military tank.  This joke misdirects us to start thinking of a fish tank, when actually the fish are in a military tank.

Here is how to take care of your goldfish in a fish tank:

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The Nose Knows

Posted on February 21, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What did the right eye say to the left eye?
A: Hey buddy, just between you and me, something smells!

Explanation: More jokes about your face!

The phrase “something smells” usually means that something is giving off, emitting, a bad smell. In this joke, “something smells” refers to the nose and the action of smelling, of noticing that there is a odor or aroma that the nose can detect.

That’s what makes this joke funny—the nose is between the eyes and it smells, it detects odors…but the nose itself does not smell bad, that is, give off a bad odor.

Here is something you can see that is beautiful but smells really bad: the corpse flower!

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Door Prize

Posted on February 15, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door?
A: Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize!

Explanation: A knocker is that metal piece on the outside of a door that you use to make noise so that people know that you are there.  An alternative to using a door knocker is to use a doorbell.  A doorbell is a button, typically found next to the door, that you push to make noise inside the house so that people know that you are there.

If you do not have a doorbell, you have no bell.  “No bell” sounds like Nobel.  Nobel is the name of a prize in many different categories including physics, chemistry, peace, and literature.

This joke is funny because no-bell sounds like Nobel, and the scientist wanted to win a no-bell/Nobel prize. (That strategy probably won’t help him win!)

Here is some information about the Nobel Prizes:

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I Am Not Swearing

Posted on February 6, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?
A: Dam!

Explanation: As a language learner, it is important to know the swear words, the bad words, the words you probably shouldn’t say.

Dam is not a swear word, but it sounds like one.  A dam is a structure built on a river to keep the water from flowing.  Beavers make dams (see the video on that link to learn more about beavers and their dams) and humans do too.  To see a dam, you might visit the Hoover Dam in Nevada.  If a fish ran into a concrete wall while swimming in a river, it is probably a dam.

Dam sounds just like damn; many people consider damn to be a swear word.  Damn comes from the Latin word ‘damnare’ which means to condemn.  Lots of people use the word damn when something goes wrong or hurts.  If you were to bump into a concrete wall it would hurt and you might say, “Damn,”  just like the fish in the joke.  If you are creative, you can probably find better words to express your pain.

This joke is funny because the words damn and dam sound the same.

I like this video about beaver dams and the calm voice of the speaker, Richard Attenborough.

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Oh Brother!

Posted on January 30, 2021 by stfleming

Q: Why can’t a woman ask her brother for help?
A: Because he can’t be a brother and assist her too!

Explanation: Of course a woman can ask her brother for help!  Just not in this joke.

The words in this joke are rather well known.  To assist means to help. You already know brother, sister, and woman.  Regarding relationships, you can be either a brother or a sister, but not both.

This joke is funny because, if you listen closely, “a sister” and “assist her” sound the same. Please help your brothers and sisters.

Here is a story about someone who decided to help his community by using books and a donkey.

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Book ’em, Danno

Posted on January 23, 2021 by stfleming

Q: How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
A: Put lox on it!

Explanation: Bagels are a type of bread that look like a donut.  They are round and have a hole in the middle, but they are not sweet.  To eat a bagel, you usually cut it in half and put something on it like cream cheese.

Another item you might put on your bagel is lox.  Lox is salmon that has been preserved by using brine.  The word lox sounds like the word locks.  A lock is used to close something securely, like putting a lock and chain on your bike so that no one steals it, or locking the door to your apartment.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word lox/locks, which sound the same. (The title of this post comes from Hawaii 5-0 when McGarret told his partner to arrest someone by saying, “Book ’em, Danno.”

Here is a video about how bagels are made.  Try narrating the video

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Dear Bare

Posted on January 18, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What do you call a bear with no ears?
A: B!

Explanation: Get it?  If you take the word bears and cross off the word ears (bears) you are left with just the letter ‘b.’  Silly, I know.  So here is another one…

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye-deer!

Explanation: When someone asks you a question, and you do not know the answer, you might say, “I have no idea.”  Some English speakers tend to put the ‘r’ sound on the end of the word ‘idea’ so that is sounds like ide-er. 

In this joke, a deer with no eyes (a no eye deer) sounds like no ide-er.

By the way, both bear and deer (animals) have words that sound the same, bare and dear.  Here is a baby bear meeting a baby deer for the first time (why they were together in a house I do not know!):

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Typecasting

Posted on January 10, 2021 by stfleming

Q: What did the mouse say to the keyboard?
A: You are really my type!

Explanation: Computer humor!

A mouse can be a small animal or a device that helps you work with a computer.  In this joke, I am talking about the computer mouse, so picture a computer mouse talking to the computer keyboard.  

And what do you do with a keyboard?  You type on it to enter information into the computer.  (Did you know that there are one-handed keyboards?)

“You’re my type” is an idiom that means that I like you, or that we will get along well together.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word type and the idiom “you’re my type.”

If you would like to practice typing, here is a video to get you started:

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A Bigger, Better Year

Posted on January 2, 2021 by stfleming

Q: If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of all three of them?
A: The baby because the baby is a little Bigger!

Explanation: Happy New Year! A baby joke for the new year seemed appropriate.

If something is a little bigger than something else, that means it is larger. For example, I might say that, typically, a grapefruit is a little bigger than an orange.  Sometimes they are a lot bigger.

If a person’s last name is Bigger, well, the whole thing gets more complicated.  In this case, the baby is referred to as the little one, or the little Bigger, who is actually smaller because of being a baby.

This joke is funny because the little Bigger (the baby) cannot be a little bigger (larger) than the parents.  May your new year be a little better than the past year. (I was going to say bigger, but that wouldn’t make sense.)

Let’s take a look in the opposite direction of bigger: Tiny Houses!

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